Randomjournalatchaoticatdotcomhttp://www.chaoticat.com/random-journal/Art and Design by Caten-GB2008-10-13T08:39:41ZSquarespace Site Server v5.0.0 (http://www.squarespace.com/)Pulling pints and Screaminghttp://www.chaoticat.com/random-journal/2008/9/18/pulling-pints-and-screaming.htmlCat2008-09-18T23:31:32ZNewsI got a job last week, in the local pub down the road. It is officially the best job in the world, and I'm loving it!

Another strange but wicked change of events is that I am now in a band!
It turns out that I have a half decent metal screaming voice, and am going to be singing backing and sharing vocals with the front man, Ben!

Ben runs a recording studio, the one where I'm doing the wall paintings. We'd always talked about me coming in t have a go at shouting/screaming metal stylee, just for fun to see if I could. Ben's just formed a metal band called Fleshmonger, and wanted me to see if I could do some vocals for the recording.
I was really in the mood for screaming, life's been totally getting me down lately and you know how sometimes you just wanna scream.... I mean REALLY scream...... well, I did!

Over ther past few years I have been carrying aggression and stress from bad situations. Guilt, depression, worthlessness, illness... all brought on by the things I went through, when I played it cool, kept my reserve, always amicable. I trust that the universe will deal out the karma, it is not my job to do so and revenge serves no purpose. But that left me feeling so hurt, so doormat like.. I was even angry at myself that I hadnt taken revenge, maybe that would have helped ease the pain. But, in all those situations where I should have screamed, all those silent screams that went unheard. All of those screams came out...

I got Ben to play Lamb of God - Redneck, just cos it is so familiar and I LOVE Lamb of God. I always wanna scream along when I'm on my own, but can never manage to let it out, so here was my chance.

In a recording booth, in the dark (that felt safer), in front of a microphone.

The music was really loud in my headphones... I feel it has to be! I ran through the song a couple of times just shouting and trying to scream, but then, you just take a huge deep breath and scream, let it all out... scream again, roar, shout, rock... It was just the best experience I have had in a LONG time. The adrenaline rush, the release, the shaking that comes with it! After screaming along to a whole tune, I was shaking so much I had to take 5 and sit down. My legs were shaking, my hands, everything, It was like I was in shock.

Once I got back in the booth, with a page of scribbled lyrics, Ben played some Fleshmonger tracks and I screaming the backing, shouted along and death roared when it was called for. It turned out really good, and I'm looking forward to my next screaming session! We're going to re-record next week, as we're sending a demo into a competition to win a support slot with Slayer!! How cool would that be!! Our first gig is end of November I've been told, so I gotta get practicing the roars and screams! Trouble is, I couldn't speak the day after the recording! sounded like scooby doo all day, as my lovely partner kept reminding me, after he'd laughed his arse off at me again.

Here's to a Pisces full moon! (which it was on monday!!)

Big love xxxx]]>Caterpillarshttp://www.chaoticat.com/random-journal/2008/9/11/caterpillars.htmlCat2008-09-11T23:26:29ZPhotographyWe have a small willow tree in the garden. It's still a baby tree, which we planted a year ago. Last year it was eaten to within an inch of it's life by Poplar Hawk Wing Moth Caterpillars, so this year, me and the kids are constantly on Caterpillar patrol, removing any caterpillars we find.... which is hundreds of tiny babies.

Now, at this time of year, we find the adult caterpillars, and we have also found 2 other species on the tree.

It's a great excuse to get the close up lens out and snap them before we remove and dispose of them.

The tree is looking better this year than it did after the little buggers ate every leaf last year, but I fear caterpillar patrol reoccurring every year!

To see more, click here.

]]>Things might be a changing.http://www.chaoticat.com/random-journal/2008/7/14/things-might-be-a-changing.htmlCat2008-07-14T23:55:10ZNewsI've had the urge to have a clean up and sort out on the website. I apologise if the navigation is confusing for a while, but I am working on an easier to use format, which will be much better in the long run. Please bear with me if things move about or change over the next couple of weeks...

Namaste xx

]]>New Photo's Addedhttp://www.chaoticat.com/random-journal/2008/7/6/new-photos-added.htmlCat2008-07-06T09:41:09ZWith a few days of nice weather, new computer and camera in hand, it was time to get snapping! New set of Wildlife photography added, as well as new photo's to my people and portraits gallery...

]]>Valley Studioshttp://www.chaoticat.com/random-journal/2008/7/6/valley-studios.htmlCat2008-07-06T07:47:40ZArtFor the past couple of months I have been hiding away in a local recording studio (no, no singing, so you can take your fingers out of your ears!). I have been commisioned to paint various things around the studio, with the first tasks being to tackle the rehearsal rooms.

Life has been good, and with the computer dying a death and having to focus on the real world for a while I achieved quite a bit. I have been glass painting mirrors and diving head first into my photography again.

]]>The life and death of Art (written)http://www.chaoticat.com/random-journal/2008/5/14/the-life-and-death-of-art-written.htmlCat2008-05-14T19:25:32ZPoetryA letter from GOD to Manhttp://www.chaoticat.com/random-journal/2008/5/13/a-letter-from-god-to-man.htmlCat2008-05-13T20:01:03ZMusicHey There

how’s it going?

Long time no see.

I know I haven’t been around much lately But…it didn’t seem like you wanted me to be
The last time I sent down a message you nailed it to the cross
So I figured I’d just leave you to it, let you be your own boss

But I’ve been keeping an eye on you, I have, and it’s amazing how you’ve grown.
With your technological advances and the problems you’ve overthrown,
And all the beautiful art you’ve created with such grace and such finesse,
But I admit there are a few things I’m afraid have impressed me less.

So I’m writing to apologize for all the horrors committed in my name,
Although that was never what I intended, I feel I should take my share of the blame.
All the good I tried to do was corrupted when all the religion got into full swing,
What I thought were quite clear messages were taken to unusual extremes.
My teachings taken out of context to meet the agendas of others,
Interpretations taken to many different ways and hidden meanings discovered

Religion became a tool, for the weak to control the strong
With all these new morals and ethics, survival of the fittest was gone
No longer could the biggest man simply take whatever he needed
‘cause damnation was the price if certain rules were not heeded

Some of the deeds committed in my name just made me wonder were I went wrong.
Back at the start when I created this, the foundation seemed so strong.
See all the elements were already here, long before I began,
I just kind of put it all together I didn’t really think out a long-term plan.

I made the sun an appropriate distance and laid the stars across the sky
So you could navigate the globe or simply watch the sun rise
I covered the earth with plants and fruits, Some for sustenance and some for beauty
I made the sun shine and the clouds rain so their maintenance wasn’t your duty
I tried to give each creature its own attributes without making them enveloped
I gave you all you all your own space to grow and in your own way space to develop

I didn’t know such development would cause rifts and jealousy
Cause you to war against each other and leave marks on this planet indelibly
You see, I wasn’t really the creater, I was just the curator of nature
I want to get something straight with homosexuals right now:
I don’t hate ya
I was a simple being that happened to be the first to wield such powers
I just laid the ground, it was You that built the towers

It was You that invented bombs, and the fear that comes with them
And it was You that invented money, and the corrupt economic systems
You invented terms like just-war and terms like friendly fire
And it was You that didn’t know when to stop digging deeper, when to stop building higher

It was You that exhausted the resources I carefully laid out on this earth,
And it was You that even saw these problems coming but accredited them little worth
It was You that used my teachings for your own personal gain
And it was You that committed such tragedies, even though they were in my name
So I apologize for any mistakes I made, and when my words misconstrued

But this apology’s to mother nature, cause I created YOU

Dan le Sac V Scroobious Pip

http://www.myspace.com/lesacvspip

]]>The Life and Death of Arthttp://www.chaoticat.com/random-journal/2008/5/12/the-life-and-death-of-art.htmlCat2008-05-12T23:30:00ZPoetryFor all you modern art lovers....

Go watch the video:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=3syM3QEghQ0&feature=related

Murray Lachlan Young himself:

http://www.murraylachlanyoung.com/home.html

]]>And so the wheel turns.http://www.chaoticat.com/random-journal/2008/4/29/and-so-the-wheel-turns.htmlCat2008-04-29T14:06:31ZSpiritualRight at the beginning of this now not-so-new year, I sat in a friends kitchen chatting about the numerology of this year.

A 10 year I said, Wheel of Fortune. Could be a year of plodding along, calm, not much happening, just life going along as it always does....

It soon became apparent that far from taking the form of a wheel that rolls along, rolling over everything, it was to include the inevitable beginnings and endings of the number 10.

1. The start of something new, the beginning. The first step.
0. Nothing, zero... Also a circle, or cycle, indicating the cycle of all things.

A good friend of mine suffered the loss of a very good friend. He had been very ill, but his death hadn't been expected quite so suddenly. It became quite obvious that this would be a year of endings and beginnings.

In the past 4 weeks, 2 friends have confirmed pregnancies, One had her baby the day before my Nan died. I've attended one wedding and have another to go to in a few weeks, and of course, a funeral.

My moods have been everywhere, and there no longer seems to be any relief. At the moment, I feel more in control that I have been recently

2008 for me is going to be a year of trying to find the centre, my centre, my peace. I have had enough of clinging on to the wheel while it spins, like sitting on the edge of a roundabout and feeling sick and dizzy. There is a place in the centre where you can sit, where you can remain still, while the roundabout spins around you.

I am feeling more and more drawn to meditation, or quiet moments, more drawn to paint (haha) but I have yet to quieten my mind enough, yet to find time enough for me to sink myself into something deep.

At least the clouds have lifted for now... lets kick off our shoes and run across the sand and make the most of the sunshine

***New Photo Gallery uploaded!!! - People and Portraits***

]]>My Nan passed today...http://www.chaoticat.com/random-journal/2008/4/10/my-nan-passed-today.htmlCat2008-04-10T22:40:15ZNewsWe knew it was coming, she's been unwell, and eating less and less. The altzheimers meant she no longer knew who anyone was, even if she was awake long enough to notice.

I didnt get to see her before she passed, but I know it wouldnt have been my nan, I was saying goodbye to, as I felt like I'd done that years ago.

She'd been in a home for two years, after many many years at home with my aunty as her carer.

My Nan, Beryl Adelaide Mathers/Middleton was a beautiful, funny lady, who's kitchen never stopped producing indian goodies, samosa's, banana fritters, currys, dahl... , after meeting my Grandad who was an engineer in the merchant navy, my Nan, a nurse in Colonial India, married him after 2 weeks of meeting him. She was one of 7 children, 6 girls, 1 boy. She left India behind in the 50's living in Yorkshire with my Grandads family, then moved to Ghana where my Grandad worked in the goldmines, then back to the UK, settling in Hamble, near Southampton.

My Nan didnt bring much of the indian culture back, apart from the food, but she always loved brightly coloured clothes, bright pink, red, vibrant blue, she would always look stunning. She was also an excellent gardener, and could grow anything. As kids we grew apple and orange trees from seed collected from our fruit! She had a banana tree and a grape vine too! She was a nightmare if we went out somewhere, she be taking cuttings from everything and stuffing them in her bag! No curry was ever as good as hers, and she'd say so, and she always said she would win the pools and no-one would have to worry about money again.. one day she would be rich!

She looked after me for the first 10 years of my life, better than my own mother could, and I called her Mum too.

I just had to share, it's been a weird day, sadness and relief. I got the call last night to say she was going down hill, but has hoped to make it there first thing this morning. She passed at 8.30am, on a beautiful sunny spring day. She would have joked that she'd brought the sun out for us! She was 91, and Fae shares the same birthday, 3rd July.

I got these pics of them when we visited on thier birthday last year, Fae was 2, Nan, 91...

Here a couple pics of my Nan when she was a young woman. I just love these pics...

]]>