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Entries from April 1, 2008 - May 1, 2008
Tuesday, April 29, 2008 And so the wheel turns.
Right at the beginning of this now not-so-new year, I sat in a friends kitchen chatting about the numerology of this year.
A 10 year I said, Wheel of Fortune. Could be a year of plodding along, calm, not much happening, just life going along as it always does....
It soon became apparent that far from taking the form of a wheel that rolls along, rolling over everything, it was to include the inevitable beginnings and endings of the number 10.
1. The start of something new, the beginning. The first step.
0. Nothing, zero... Also a circle, or cycle, indicating the cycle of all things.
A good friend of mine suffered the loss of a very good friend. He had been very ill, but his death hadn't been expected quite so suddenly. It became quite obvious that this would be a year of endings and beginnings.
In the past 4 weeks, 2 friends have confirmed pregnancies, One had her baby the day before my Nan died. I've attended one wedding and have another to go to in a few weeks, and of course, a funeral.
My moods have been everywhere, and there no longer seems to be any relief. At the moment, I feel more in control that I have been recently
2008 for me is going to be a year of trying to find the centre, my centre, my peace. I have had enough of clinging on to the wheel while it spins, like sitting on the edge of a roundabout and feeling sick and dizzy. There is a place in the centre where you can sit, where you can remain still, while the roundabout spins around you.
I am feeling more and more drawn to meditation, or quiet moments, more drawn to paint (haha) but I have yet to quieten my mind enough, yet to find time enough for me to sink myself into something deep.
At least the clouds have lifted for now... lets kick off our shoes and run across the sand and make the most of the sunshine
***New Photo Gallery uploaded!!! - People and Portraits***
Thursday, April 10, 2008 My Nan passed today...
We knew it was coming, she's been unwell, and eating less and less. The altzheimers meant she no longer knew who anyone was, even if she was awake long enough to notice.
I didnt get to see her before she passed, but I know it wouldnt have been my nan, I was saying goodbye to, as I felt like I'd done that years ago.
She'd been in a home for two years, after many many years at home with my aunty as her carer.
My Nan, Beryl Adelaide Mathers/Middleton was a beautiful, funny lady, who's kitchen never stopped producing indian goodies, samosa's, banana fritters, currys, dahl... , after meeting my Grandad who was an engineer in the merchant navy, my Nan, a nurse in Colonial India, married him after 2 weeks of meeting him. She was one of 7 children, 6 girls, 1 boy. She left India behind in the 50's living in Yorkshire with my Grandads family, then moved to Ghana where my Grandad worked in the goldmines, then back to the UK, settling in Hamble, near Southampton.
My Nan didnt bring much of the indian culture back, apart from the food, but she always loved brightly coloured clothes, bright pink, red, vibrant blue, she would always look stunning. She was also an excellent gardener, and could grow anything. As kids we grew apple and orange trees from seed collected from our fruit! She had a banana tree and a grape vine too! She was a nightmare if we went out somewhere, she be taking cuttings from everything and stuffing them in her bag! No curry was ever as good as hers, and she'd say so, and she always said she would win the pools and no-one would have to worry about money again.. one day she would be rich!
She looked after me for the first 10 years of my life, better than my own mother could, and I called her Mum too.
I just had to share, it's been a weird day, sadness and relief. I got the call last night to say she was going down hill, but has hoped to make it there first thing this morning. She passed at 8.30am, on a beautiful sunny spring day. She would have joked that she'd brought the sun out for us! She was 91, and Fae shares the same birthday, 3rd July.
I got these pics of them when we visited on thier birthday last year, Fae was 2, Nan, 91...
Here a couple pics of my Nan when she was a young woman. I just love these pics...
